Hermits: The Prequel

Welcome to my Hermits prequel - an attempt to fill in what happened during the first year of my and Lady's beloved roleplay, Hermits United.  Each post following this will contain one chapter of the story.  I will hopefully be updating this topic at a decent pace, though considering it's taken me close to three years now to get to this point, that's prooobably not likely, heh.  In any case, enjoy, and any suggestions are welcome.

Also, directly below is a playlist I have put together for the characters that goes along with the events of the prequel as well as extending into the roleplay.  They are listed in the relative order that they would feature in the storyline.  Click for links, and enjoy!

Table of Contents

- Chapter 1 -          - Chapter 2 -           - Chapter 3 -          - Chapter 4 -

          The human metacrisis Doctor stood on the beach at Bad Wolf Bay, Rose Tyler's hand held in his as they watched the TARDIS fade away, leaving only bare beach in its place.  After a few moments, he turned his head to look down at Rose, and she simultaneously turned to look up at him, their eyes meeting.  The Doctor studied her expression, unable to help but wonder what she was thinking.  Though the two of them had just shared a rather passionate kiss, Rose had broken away from his embrace when she'd realized that the other, fully Time Lord Doctor, along with Donna, had taken the opportunity during their distraction to slip away unnoticed.  She'd run several paces back down the beach toward the dematerializing TARDIS, as if hoping to catch up before it had disappeared.  The now-part human Doctor had followed more slowly after a few seconds, taking Rose's hand in an effort to offer comfort, and in reminder that he was there for her.
          Now, however, he was unsure what to say, uncertain as to how to judge her reaction to him.  Before he'd whispered those three words he'd wanted for so long to say into her ear, she had been unaccepting towards him - had insisted that he was different from the original Doctor.  "But he's not you...!" she'd said to that other Doctor, tears in her eyes.  But surely he was still the same, at least in every way that mattered?  He still felt the same way about her - that could never change.  Wasn't that enough?
          But, he asked himself, what if it wasn't?  What if her kiss had meant nothing - just an impulsive act in a moment of strong emotion?  What if she didn't accept him?  What if he, as he was now, wasn't enough for her?  What would he do then?
          He continued to stare down at her with a solemn expression, trying to think of something to say.  But before he could formulate his words, Jackie walked up behind them, hanging awkwardly for a moment before speaking.
          "Suppose I should call Pete, have him come to pick us up," she mused.  "He won't be able to get here 'til tomorrow, though, even if he drives all night..."
          "I guess we’ll have to rent a room somewhere," Rose sighed, haven broken eye contact with the Doctor after Jackie had come over.  Her voice sounded almost hollow, and a moment later, she dropped his hand, turning away and beginning to trudge up the beach.  Jackie glanced back at him briefly before following her daughter, and for a moment the Doctor thought he could see a flicker of confusion in her eyes, as if she was pondering similar thoughts to him.
          He stood by himself for a short time, watching the two women as they walked away from him, a flash of sadness lighting in his remaining heart, before he pushed it down and followed, as well, hurrying a bit to catch up to Rose.
          Reaching her, he slowed his pace to match hers, looking down at her again, this time with a slight frown.  "Is... everything alright?" he asked quietly, his voice soft, concerned.
          "Yeah... I just... wish I was home, is all..." she answered in a tired tone, glancing to him briefly before looking away again, staring straight ahead as she trudged through the sand.
          The Doctor swallowed, nodding and falling silent once more, though his mind continued to churn.  What, exactly, did she mean by 'home'?  Did she mean the mansion her family lived in in this parallel world, or did she mean the original universe: her - their - native dimension?  He wasn't sure, but he couldn't help but think that it was the latter.

-----

          After reaching the road, the trio had trekked the short distance into the nearest town, and, with a little help from the Doctor's translation skills, were able to ascertain from the locals where the best place to stay the night might be.  They'd rented a nice room in a little hotel with two beds - the Doctor had offered to take the sofa so that Jackie and Rose didn't have to share - and then headed out again to get something to eat.  After a much-needed dinner - the Doctor had found himself growing immensely hungry, and he wasn't entirely certain as to whether it was due to having grown a completely new body a few hours before, or because said body was part human - they returned to their room, opting to turn in early, all three worn out from the events of the day, as well as the night before.
          Rose hadn’t said much for most of the night - had hardly so much as looked at him - and the Doctor was growing even more concerned as to if she was going to accept him or not.  His offer had been sincere, after all - he was fully prepared to spend the rest of his life with her, to grow old with her.  He wanted that more than anything else - had chosen to stay here in the parallel world with her of his own volition, though he didn't think she knew that.  He thought that perhaps she just needed some time to get used to the idea that they could be together at last.  He hoped that was all it was.
          He tossed and turned for most of the night, despite his tiredness unable to sleep due to his roiling thoughts.  So many things weighed heavily on his mind, in addition to his worries about Rose.  First off was Donna.  He was concerned for her, to say the least.  He knew it was impossible for a human brain to handle the thoughts and memories of a Time Lord, and he worried what would become of her, what would become of his other self when he lost her.  He had lost so much... so many good friends in such a short span of time.  He wasn't sure how many more he could lose before he simply couldn't take it any longer.
          Second was what had occurred on the Dalek crucible, shortly after he had been 'born".  He'd destroyed the Daleks, caused them all to explode in a violent, fiery death.  He'd followed the prophecy of Dalek Kaan - he'd committed genocide, and the thought of this was none too comforting.  He'd tried to defend himself to the other Doctor, after he'd accused him on the beach, with a tart response of "I am you!", but now he was beginning to wonder.  What if Donna had done more than he'd thought she had when she'd sparked the metacrisis?  What if his newfound human DNA, and the process by which he'd come to life, had given him some sort of streak of violence that he hadn't had before?  What if he wasn't exactly as much the Doctor as he thought he was?  No.  Of course he was still the Doctor.  He was entirely the Doctor - dash his right heart, his long lifespan, and his ability to regenerate - along with perhaps an additional slight bit of Donna.  What he'd done had been necessary, completely necessary.  The Daleks would have destroyed everything in existence to get what they wanted, and they would've kept trying, as long as they were allowed to live.  Now, thanks to him, that other universe was safe once more.  So perhaps he shouldn't have been worried so much about his actions after all, he told himself.
          But then, of course, there was his more immediate situation.  He was now in a parallel universe, on a parallel Earth, part human, and without his TARDIS.  Despite how much he wanted to be here, he was rather overwhelmed by it all.  What, exactly, was he to do?  He'd have to get a job... find a place to live...  He'd never had to think about such things.  It was obvious that both Jackie and Rose expected him to come home with them, but he wasn't sure how long their welcoming sentiment would last, and he wasn't going to force himself upon them.  He was grateful that they were willing to offer him a home at least temporarily, and the last thing he wanted to do was to overstay his welcome.  But where else could he go  With his future so pendulous, he felt rather helpless.  The uncertainty of the situation - a new sort of uncertainty very much unlike what he was used to - honestly frightened him a bit.
          In addition to all that, his Time Lord instincts were still quite strong, and everything about this parallel world just... felt wrong.  All of it was so wrong to him - it smelled different, it tasted different.  To all of his senses, the entire world just screamed "different", and it wasn't a good "different" at all.  The sensation was entirely unnerving, and he was more than glad when morning finally arrived.
          Even then, it took Rose and Jackie an inordinately long time, he thought, to wake up - by the time they did, it was nearly 10 AM, and the Doctor was growing so antsy just to be doing something that he could barely contain himself.  When at last they finally did, the two women took turns freshening up in the bathroom while the Doctor paced the room restlessly.
          In fact, he was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn't notice when Rose stepped around the corner to stare at him.  She watched him with a slight frown for a few more laps before finally speaking up.
          "Um... did you want a turn, or...?" she offered, gesturing into the bathroom.  He was looking rather rumpled; it appeared as if he'd been tossing about all night long.  Perhaps he had been, she thought to herself a bit sadly.  The Doctor never had been one to sleep a lot - it had seemed like he was always awake, always raring to go.  Oh, how she'd missed his boundless, childlike energy...
          When he turned around and glanced to her, however, she noticed that his eyes were looking a bit glassy.  Regardless of how energetic he seemed now, he was bound to start feeling the effects of his sleepless night at some point soon, if he wasn't already.  This part-human clone just wasn't made to take the same wear and tear as his fully Time Lord counterpart.
          "Oh..." the Doctor mumbled, seeming distracted.  "Yeah...  I suppose so..."  He wandered into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
          After splashing a bit of water on his face, smoothening and re-buttoning his creased jacket, and doing the best he could to tame his unkempt-looking hair without a comb, he reappeared, looking a bit better for his efforts.  "Can we, ah, go get breakfast now?" he asked the two women, his expression sheepish.  "I... um...  I feel like I'm starving again..."
          To his surprise, Rose laughed.  "You're a regular bloke just like everybody else now, eh?"
          "...I suppose..." the Doctor sighed, smiling slightly, though it didn't reach his tired eyes.  It was perhaps one of the first times he'd been considered "normal" in his life, but it still didn't feel right.  He didn't feel right.  He hoped he'd get used to it.  He had to. This had been his choice, after all, to come here and stay with Rose, to live a "normal" life with her - not just the other Doctor's  They'd both known that at Rose's side was the only place he would ever want to be, if he ever got the chance at a single, human life - to age and grow old with the woman he loved.  This was his chance.
 Seeing his rather subdued reaction to her joke, Rose, too, gave a sigh, becoming somber once more.  "Yeah, let's go get breakfast."  She stood up from where she was sitting on the edge of her bed, making for the door.  Jackie watched her daughter go once more, frowning slightly, but followed after a moment.
          A wave of guilt washed over the Doctor at Rose's behavior, and he swallowed down a rising groan of defeat.  He hadn't meant to disappoint her...  He, too, followed after a moment, sighing again and hanging his head slightly for a second or two before raising it once more, telling himself to buck up and push on.
          After finishing a good-sized plate of breakfast - plus an additional two bananas - the Doctor was feeling quite a bit better, if a little weary.  But he supposed that was only to be expected - he hadn't slept at all last night, after all.
          To pass the time until Pete arrived, they spent a few hours perusing the little seaside town, walking the streets and popping into various shops to see what trinkets they had.  It wasn't the most exciting activity, the Doctor thought to himself, but it was certainly better than just lying around.
          Pete, with little Tony in tow, finally called around mid-afternoon to warn them of his impending arrival, and the trio returned to their room from the night before, meeting him there to pick them up.  They left again immediately, Jackie driving for a while to give her husband, who had driven all night long, a chance to rest.  After a few hours, they stopped to grab something to eat for dinner, but were quickly on the road again.
          They continued into the night, Pete and Jackie taking turns at the wheel, trading shifts every few hours so that one could sleep while the other drove on.  Rose drifted off just after 9 that evening, evidently still exhausted both mentally and physically from the events of the day before.  The Doctor stayed awake well into the early morning, still too overwhelmed to sleep, even though his entire being had begun to ache with exhaustion by that point.  At last, around 3:30 AM, he finally gave out, slumped against the door frame.  But he was awoken once more at around 5, when Jackie and Pete had traded shifts again.  He never got back to sleep after that, despite the fact that he could barely keep his eyes open.  Every time he closed them, his worries about Rose and his future and all manner of other things would force him to open his eyes once more.
          They pulled down the driveway a little after 7 PM, the tires crunching over the gravel.  Parking in front of the house, Pete shut off the engine and glanced over his shoulder at the Doctor and Rose, who were both still looking rather groggy.  "We're here," he announced, before getting out of the car and heading to the back to unpack what little he'd brought along with him.  Jackie took Tony out of his car seat and followed him, the 18-month-old rested over her shoulder.
          Rose exchanged looks with the Doctor for a brief moment before getting out herself, and, after a moment, the Doctor followed.  He trailed the family up to the front doors, keeping a couple feet behind them, a bit hesitant.
          Rose noticed this and glanced behind her, reaching for his hand and urging him forward.  "Come on, this is your house now, too, you know," she told him, giving him a small smile.  The Doctor glanced to her, still feeling uncertain and rather out-of-place, but after a moment took the proffered hand, following the family inside.
          Rose led him upstairs, showing him to his room, which happened to be right next door to her own, just to the right of the landing.  There was already a made bed there, as well as a desk and dresser, and various other pieces of furniture.
          "...I guess we'll have to take you shopping tomorrow, since you don't have any clothes except for what you're wearing..." Rose observed, frowning slightly.  "But for now, I'm sure my dad has something you can wear that'll work for tonight.  Anyway... I'll let you get settled.  I'll be downstairs if you need me."  She headed out, leaving the Doctor alone in the room.
          He just stood there for a time, looking around, getting himself acquainted with the space, glancing over the books on the desk.  After a few minutes, he decided it would be best to take a shower, and headed back downstairs to ask Pete about something to wear.  After the two men found a pair of old pajamas that looked as if they would fit him fairly well, the Doctor headed to the upstairs bathroom to clean himself up.
          Once he'd finished with his shower, shaved, brushed and flossed his teeth (thankfully they'd had a spare toothbrush and razor), and dressed himself for the night, the Doctor headed downstairs to find Rose.  Much to his puzzlement, however, he couldn't locate her anywhere - he even asked Jackie, but she didn't know, either.  Eventually, he headed back upstairs to see if she was in her room, and saw the soft, warm light of a lamp flooding from underneath her door.
          Frowning a little, the Doctor walked up to the door and raised his hand in a fist, standing for a moment in hesitation before reaching forward and knocking lightly on the wood.  "Rose…?" he called softly.
          Inside the room, Rose had been sitting in bed staring at an old picture - the only photograph she had of him.  There were tears in her eyes as she thought about the Doctor - the other Doctor - and all the wonderful times they'd had together.  The man who'd been left on the beach alongside her may have looked and sounded like the Doctor, may have even acted like the Doctor… but could he really be the same Doctor she'd traveled with, fallen in love with, and worked so hard for so long to get back to?  How could he be, when the original Doctor had left with Donna in the TARDIS?  A stab of pain pierced her heart for him.  What would happen to him when Donna eventually left - when he lost her like he had Rose, or when she eventually decided to stop traveling with him?  She knew in the end his poor hearts would be broken yet again.  A fresh wave of tears welled in her eyes at the thought.  How many more heartbreaks could he take before he just couldn't handle it any longer?
          At a sudden knock on her door, accompanied by a soft voice - a voice so familiar and dear - Rose jumped, quickly dropping the photo on her bedside table, and slumped back against her pillows, rapidly scrubbing the tears from her eyes and then closing them, making herself look as if she'd fallen asleep.
          Outside the door, not hearing a reply, the Doctor’s frown deepened.  After a few more seconds of hesitation, he reached for the doorknob, opening the door slowly and peering inside.  He saw Rose slumped over on her bed and gave a quiet sigh, slowly entering the room and walking over to her bedside.  He looked her over for a few seconds, noticing the photograph on the table - an old picture of the two of them from before he'd lost her - as well as the tearstains on her face - plain evidence that she'd been crying.
          His eyes filling with sorrow, he reached forward, carefully taking hold of her covers and gently pulled them over her, tucking her in.  He knew she wasn't actually sleeping - her breathing wasn't light or regular enough.  So why was she avoiding him?  He told himself yet again that maybe she just wanted some time to herself, to think over what had happened, to realize that he was still the same man he'd always been...  He hoped that was indeed all it was, and that she wouldn't reject him completely.
          An excruciating stab of pain shot through his single heart at the thought.  What would he do if that were the case, if she didn't want him because he was now part human?  It was already going to be a very difficult journey for him, learning how to cope, to live a human life in this strange parallel world that felt all wrong to his keen Time Lord senses.  He was already so overwhelmed, so confused and frightened.  Everything was so new... even these emotions were unfamiliar.  But without Rose to lean on for support, he didn't know how he would ever make it through.  It would be like floundering around for a handhold in the middle of an endless, deserted sea.  He was sure to drown.
          His brown eyes now shining with fear as well as sorrow, the Doctor did his best to push these thoughts from his mind, at least for now, and turn his attention back to Rose.  Swallowing hard, he finished tucking her in before leaning back to stare sadly at her once more.  "...I..." he began in a soft voice, but the next two words died in his throat.  Maybe she didn't want him to love her...  Maybe she only wanted the original Doctor to feel that way.  Another flash of pain struck his heart as her words to that other Doctor, on the beach before he'd left, echoed in his mind once more: "But he's not you…!"  Maybe he just wasn't good enough for her… and maybe he never would be.
          He swallowed the whimper of anguish rising in his throat and opened his mouth to speak again.  "...Goodnight, Rose..." he whispered instead, the defeat he felt clear in his voice - Rose nearly cringed at it, more tears springing underneath her eyelids, threatening to burst forth.  She hadn't meant to hurt him like that...
          With another soft, shaky sigh, the Doctor reached over and turned off the lamp on Rose's bedside table, cloaking the room in darkness, then slowly made his way back toward the door, glancing over his shoulder at her with eyes bright with pain before closing the door quietly behind him, his slow, lonely footsteps disappearing back down the hall toward his own room.
          Once he'd left, Rose opened her eyes again, giving a soft sob and letting her tears fall.  She felt horribly guilty - she knew she'd caused him pain - but she didn't know what to do.  She didn't know how to talk to him.  He seemed, in every way, to be the real Doctor... but could there really be two real Doctors?  This Doctor was a clone.  He wasn't the same - he wasn't the original copy, the man she wanted more than life itself.  It just wasn't possible... and yet... there he was, having just left her room, having tucked her in so tenderly.  Could it really be him...?  Loving this Doctor seemed almost like a betrayal to the other, original Doctor.  But at the same time, this Doctor's part human nature gave both of them the perfect chance to make a life together.  Those three words he'd whispered in her ear on the beach in Norway echoed in her mind once again, making her heart beat faster.  It was the first time she'd ever heard him utter those words - knew it was the first time he'd been able to.  And, she knew, she loved him, too.  But how could she love them both?
          With a tired, miserable sigh, Rose nuzzled further into her pillow, her exhausted, confused mind giving in to sleep at last.

          Rose woke the next morning to a soft rapping on her door.  "Rose!  Breakfast’s ready!" her mother’s voice chimed from the other side, before her footsteps faded away, heading down the hall to wake Mickey--  No, not Mickey.  Suddenly, everything came flooding back to her.  The Doctor, the Daleks, the other universe...  Mickey had stayed behind.  The Doctor was here now.  Or, well, one of them was, at least.
          With that thought, Rose managed to crawl out of bed and head for her door, looking - and feeling - bedraggled.  Even having slept through the night, she still felt run-down.  Perhaps it would take a few days to sleep off the events of four days before.
          Meanwhile, behind the door a few steps down the hall, the Doctor was already awake, staring up at the ceiling of his room with bloodshot eyes.  He'd tossed and turned most of the night, worrying about Rose and his future again, and, now on his fourth day in this body, with three nights' bad sleep, he was thoroughly worn out.  He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so exhausted.  He wasn't sure he ever had.
          With a heavy sigh, he dragged himself out of his bed at Jackie’s call to breakfast, stepping into the pair of slippers he'd borrowed from Pete and shuffling toward the door, removing the spare dressing gown from the hook and shrugging it on.  He then opened the door, stepping out into the hall.
          Rose, who was just heading down the hall from her own room, stopped and blinked in shock at the sight of the man before her.  Rumpled pajamas, hair sticking every which way, slouched posture, drooping, forlorn eyes...  She'd never seen him like that, not even close.  He looked even worse than she felt.  Apparently he hadn't slept nearly as well as she had.  A wave of sympathy washed over her.
          He caught sight of her after a few moments and straightened up, clearly trying to appear more alert, but Rose knew it was an act - he didn't want her to know just how exhausted he really was.  "G'morning," she tried hopefully.
          "G'morning," he returned, looking a bit wary and guarded as he waved her on ahead of him.  She wondered if he was still thinking about what had happened last night.  She tried to swallow down her guilt as she stepped around him, picking her way down the stairs and toward the kitchen.
          The Doctor was, in fact, still thinking about the night before, but he daren't say anything, not wanting to make matters worse - he wasn't even sure where things stood now.  Eyeing Rose as she walked on ahead of him, he wondered for the umpteenth time what she was thinking.  With a small, quiet sigh, he followed her down the stairs, heading for the kitchen.
          Breakfast was already on the table when he got there - plates of eggs, bacon, and pancakes.  The delicious smells wafting toward him served to rouse him from his drowsiness a bit, along with making his stomach growl.  He swallowed the pang of hunger, wondering how long it would take to get used to being hungry so often.  Would he always be this hungry now?  Were humans always this hungry?  Somehow, he didn't think so.  Maybe it was just because he was still recovering from the metacrisis.  Yes, that must've been it.
          Pete and Jackie were already seated and serving themselves, and as the Doctor moved into the room Rose, too, sat down, beginning to dish eggs onto her own plate.  He lingered briefly just inside the doorway before making his way over to the spare chair, pulling it out and sitting down, gazing hungrily at the food in front of him while he waited his turn.
          As Pete finished getting the bacon he wanted, he held out the serving fork to the Doctor with a smile. "Help yourself," he told him cheerfully.
          "Thanks," the Doctor replied with a small, brief smile of his own, taking the fork and beginning to add some of the remaining bacon to his plate.  He repeated the process with the eggs and pancakes until he had a generous helping of breakfast.
          He forced himself to eat politely and at a reasonable pace, resisting the urge to inhale everything in rapid gulps.  The food was surprisingly good.  He wondered who had made it.  Jackie seemed to him to be the kind of person who could catch the stove on fire boiling water - a thought which caused a flicker of amusement to light briefly in his eyes - and Rose had only just woken up along with him (and had never been much of a cook herself, he knew), so he figured it had to be Pete.
          After a minute or so of silence, Jackie spoke up, looking to him with interest.  "So, Doctor, did you sleep well last night?" she asked him.  "Mm, fine, thanks," he lied, not wanting to appear rude, or to make them worry.  He forced himself to look a bit brighter and more alert in an attempt at appearing convincing.  Rose didn't seem swayed, however; he could feel her eyes on him.  When he turned to glance at her, she quickly looked away, focusing on her plate once again.
          A minute or so later, she turned back to him.  "So... you ready to go shopping after we finish?  We need to get you some new clothes and stuff, and we should stop by Torchwood, see about getting you some form of identification..."
          The Doctor looked to her, brightening slightly.  Finally, something to actually be doing besides sitting around fretting!  ...Mind you, shopping wasn’t the most exciting thing... but it was certainly better than doing nothing.  He nodded, swallowing his mouthful of pancakes.  "So you're really gonna go with me, then?"
          Rose laughed - the Doctor's heart fluttered to finally hear that beautiful sound once again.  "'Course I am!  'M not leaving you to wander around the shops by yourself.  Who knows what trouble you'd get up to?"
          "I wouldn't get up to anything of the sort!" the Doctor protested in a squeak, the stirring emotion he'd briefly felt disappearing, giving rise instead to indignation.
          Rose's eyes glimmered with amusement.  "If you say so."
          After they'd finished breakfast, the Doctor and Rose both headed back upstairs to get ready.  The Doctor fetched his suit, which he'd hung up in his room the night before, and made his way into the bathroom to brush his teeth, tame his hair, and get dressed.  The suit was a bit rumpled, and there hadn't been a chance to wash anything, but he smoothed it out as best he could before he put it on.
          Once he was ready, he headed back out, picking his way back downstairs to wait for Rose in the sitting room.  Instead of sitting down, he nervously paced the floor, breakfast having given him a much-needed, if temporary, energy boost, though he still felt drowsy.  He tried to brush it off as best he could.
          It was a few minutes later when Rose came downstairs, dressed and ready to go.  "Alright, mistah.  All ready?" she asked him.
          "Yeah," the Doctor replied, turning and heading over to her.  "Ready."
          And with that, they set out, hopping in Rose's car and making their way toward town.  As she drove, the Doctor peered out the windows and windshield, glancing up at the sky.  As he did so, his vision was barred by a giant zeppelin crossing the blue - something he'd noticed a few times on their trip back to London (and, of course, remembered from their first adventure in this universe, a few years before), though he'd been too tired to really pay much attention.  He narrowed his eyes at the skyship that was blocking his view.  Zeppelins...
          About 10 minutes later, they reached downtown London, and, managing to find a parking spot a short distance away, headed out toward the shops.  The Doctor let Rose take the lead for once, staying a step or two behind her and to her left, not quite knowing where to go himself.  After a dozen or so steps, Rose looked back at him, and, with a small smile, reached for his hand.  The Doctor glanced down, staring at it for a moment, before gratefully taking it and giving her a small smile in return.  It felt good to be out and about with her again, just the two of them, even if they were only going to the shops and not on some grand adventure on another planet.
          Rose led him inside the first shop and let go of his hand, glancing around for a moment before spying the suits and smirking.  "I'm guessing that's where you'll be heading first," she told him, nodding in that direction.
          The Doctor followed her nod, his face brightening slightly, and made his way over.  He, of course, was looking for a very particular style and color, and he hoped he would be able to find it.
          Rose just shook her head amusedly, following him over.  "I might've known," she said, laughter in her tone.  "Please, just... don't get 10 duplicates of the same thing, yeah?"
          The Doctor looked to her with a slight frown.  "But I always used to wear the same suits," he told her, a bit puzzled.  ...Actually, he'd always used to wear the same clothes in general, throughout all his incarnations.  He'd just had multiples of the same garments.
          "Don’t you think it would be better to mix things up a bit for once?" Rose questioned him, still looking amused.  "It's the perfect chance.  And besides, you're going to have to get some more casual clothes, too.  You can't just wear a suit in every occasion - people will look at you funny!"
          The Doctor gave her an even more puzzled look at that.  "Casual clothes??  ...Like what?"
          "Like... I dunno, like jeans and a t-shirt, maybe some trousers and a sweater, stuff like that."  Rose's eyes glinted with amusement.  "I think you'd look rather fetching in something casual, actually."  She looked around the shop, spying some jeans across the room.  "Come on, let's go look.  We can take you to a tailor's later, get you exactly what you want."  She nodded to the suits, none of which he seemed to be satisfied with, and tugged on his arm, persuading him to follow her.  The Doctor hesitated before letting her lead him over to the other side of the shop.
          "Hmm... how about these?" Rose asked after a short time of looking through the jeans, holding up a pair that looked like it might fit.  "Whaddya say?  Try 'em on?"  She quickly grabbed a couple more pairs in different sizes and, without waiting for a reply, she pushed the garments into his hands and ushered him toward the dressing room.  "I'll start looking for some shirts to go with them."
          The Doctor opened his mouth to protest, but after a moment he gave in, walking on his own toward the dressing room.  "Alright..." he sighed, not particularly confident, but trying to appease her anyhow.
          He reappeared a few minutes later, sporting the jeans and his t-shirt, having removed his jacket since it didn't go with the rest of the outfit.  He looked slightly bewildered, but Rose didn't think he seemed like he disliked them too much.  "Those look good!" she exclaimed with a grin, walking over to him, holding a few of the kind of long-sleeved dress shirt that he usually wore under his jackets, along with a sweater and a t-shirt or two.  "Are they comfortable?"
          The Doctor glanced down at himself with a slight frown, pushing his hands into his pockets in an effort to appear more casual.  "Yeah," he admitted, glancing back up at her.  "I think I could get used to them."
          "Great!" Rose exclaimed, shoving the pile of shirts she was holding into the Doctor’s arms again, resulting in a slightly bug-eyed expression from him.  "Now go try these on."  The Doctor gave her a look, but turned and carried the shirts back to the dressing room.
          After finding several shirts and a couple more pairs of jeans that the Doctor was satisfied with, he and Rose carried the clothes to the register and set them down on the counter.  After watching for a few moments as the woman behind the register started ringing up the items, the Doctor’s eyes suddenly widened.  "Oh, blimey...  I don't have any money...  I can't buy clothes without money!" he exclaimed, turning to Rose with alarm.  He was oblivious to the confused look the woman behind the register gave him.
          Rose just smiled at him, pulling a credit card out of her purse and handing it to the woman.  "Don't worry about it," she told the Doctor softly, patting him on the arm.
          The Doctor watched her hand over the card, and the woman run it through the reader with a beep before handing it back to Rose with a receipt and a bit of a funny look.  After a moment he turned to Rose, looking apologetic.  "I'll pay you back as soon as I can, I promise," he told her.
          Rose took the card and receipt and smiled at the Doctor again.  "I know.  It's no big deal - it's not like I'm short on money," she told him with a hint of amusement.  It was true - the Tyler family was quite well-off, and working for - well, practically running - Torchwood had made Rose even wealthier.  Not that she really acted like it - the whole idea of not having to worry about funds was still fairly new to her, and being rich wasn't about to change her attitude on the matter.
          The Doctor gave her a slightly strained-looking smile.  "Thanks, Rose.  I appreciate it."

-----

          After stopping by a couple more shops, the pair dropped by a tailor's to get the Doctor fitted for a few new suits.  The tailor took measurements of both the Doctor himself and the suit he was currently wearing to make sure that the design stayed the same, as per the Doctor's insistent request, and after choosing three patterns to start out with ' blue with white pinstripes, dark gray with lighter pinstripes, and, of course, brown with light blue pinstripes ' he and Rose started toward Torchwood to get him signed up for work and forge some sort of identification.
          As they reached Canary Wharf and stepped out of the car, the Doctor stared upward at the imposing building in front of him, hesitating.  Torchwood's tower didn't exactly have good memories associated with it - in fact, it was associated with perhaps the worst memories from recent history - the worst since the Time War itself.
          The Doctor barely noticed as Rose stepped up alongside him, but managed to break his stare on the tower and turn to look at her as she rested a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.  "It's alright - I know," she murmured.  "I had a hard time with it at first, too, but... you'll get used to it after a while.  Come on."  She wrapped her arm around his, resting her opposite hand on his shoulder soothingly, and led him into the building.
          A familiar face was waiting for them as they arrived in what seemed to be the main science lab.  The man with the neatly-spiked blonde hair turned as they stepped in and grinned, stepping forward quickly.  "Doctor!" he exclaimed, reaching to shake the Doctor's hand.  "It's great to see ya!  Rose told me to expect you when she called earlier.  I don't suppose you remember me?"
          The Doctor smiled.  "Ohh, 'course I do.  Jake Simmonds - how could I forget?" he greeted the blonde, taking the proffered hand and shaking it firmly.  "It's good to see you again, too."
          Jake nodded, then a sly smirk replaced the grin on his face.  "So, you finally managed to find her again, did ya?" he teased, shooting a glance at Rose.
          "She found me," the Doctor corrected him amusedly, glancing to Rose as well and reaching to take her hand once more.
          Rose smiled, giving Jake a jokingly narrow-eyed look - she knew he knew full well what had gone into finding the Doctor again - before glancing up at the Doctor.  "You bet I did," she murmured, gladly taking his hand again and reaching to pat him on the arm with her free hand.  "I spent two long years tryin' to track ya down, and all that hard work finally paid off."
          "Quite right, too," Jake chuckled, knowing all too well just how much 'hard work' had gone into building the equipment that would allow Rose to jump between realities, and then into finding the right one.  "Well, I s'pose you're here to sign up, eh?  Wanna join the team?" he asked the Doctor, his eyes glimmering.
          The Doctor smiled slightly once more.  "Well, that, and I need an identity.  Can't do much without one of those, or so I would assume."
          Jake nodded, heading over to a table and grabbing a notepad and pen.  "We'll get you on the schedule in a mo.  As for the ID, I'll need some information  He paused.  "I guess we should start with a name."
          The Doctor frowned slightly.  "Well...  I've always gone by John Smith when I need a human name," he told Jake.
          "Yeah, but..." Rose interrupted hesitantly.  "It just... seems a shame to take something so... plain..."
          The Doctor shrugged, opening his mouth to reply, when suddenly, an idea formed in his mind, and he frowned once more, this time more deeply.  He remained silent, however, hesitating.  He wasn't sure what Rose would think of it, and it seemed a bit odd to ask about this sort of thing... but at the same time, it felt... right.
          Rose, noticing his silence and the look on his face, raised a brow, turning to him.  "What?  What is it?" she asked.  When he continued to hesitate, she prompted further.  "What's wrong?  If you have something in mind, you can tell me."  The same idea was beginning to trickle into the back of her mind, as well, but she hadn't quite fully realized it yet.
          "...Well..." the Doctor finally spoke, shifting on his feet, turning toward her but looking down at the ground instead.  "I was just thinking... wondering if... if maybe you wouldn't mind if I... ...took your name?"  At the last bit, though he kept his face tilted downward, he finally looked up to her with an expression of apparent shyness, which took Rose by surprise.  The query itself, however, seemed less surprising, and, after just a moment of thinking it over, Rose grinned.
          "John Tyler?  It's got a nice ring to it," she told him warmly, resting a hand on his arm.  "I like it."
          The Doctor smiled once again, his face brightening a little.  "Yeah?  You're alright with it, then?"
          Rose nodded.  "I think it's perfect."  She looked to Jake, who seemed to be regarding them with something of a knowing look before he nodded and jotted down the name.  The Doctor didn't seem to notice this, but Rose felt her face flush slightly.
          "How about a middle name?" Jake asked as he wrote.
          The Doctor thought for a few moments before announcing, "Noble.  After Donna."  He looked a bit sad at that, and Rose wondered why.  "I did come from her, too, after all."
          Jake regarded him with a look of curiosity.  "What do you mean by that?  And who's Donna?"
          "Donna was my companion before I came here," he told Jake, a bit softly.  "She...  Well, I'm not exactly the same Doctor you met before.  I have all his memories and thoughts, same mind, but... this is a different body.  I look the same, but I'm part human now."
          Jake looked both surprised and confused at this announcement.  Rose knew he knew something of what the Doctor was based on tidbits she and Mickey had told him over the past two years, but the metacrisis, as the Doctor had called it, was still quite confusing to her, let alone to someone who hadn't been there and wasn't as knowledgeable about the Doctor's biology and physiology.
          "Well... I'm sure that's an interesting tale that you're definitely gonna have to tell me sometime, though I'm not sure there's enough time right now," Jake told him, glancing at his watch.  "Anyway...  Any particular date of birth you have in mind?"
          The Doctor hesitated briefly before replying.  "I suppose just use the date of the metacrisis - what day was it...?  It's July, right?"  He turned to Rose with a frown, reaching to rub the back of his neck awkwardly.
          Rose smirked slightly, a bit surprised he'd even remembered that much.  For being a "Time" Lord, the Doctor had never been very good at judging the normal passage of time.  "It's the 8th today.  We came here on July 5th."
          Jake's expression gained a confused quality once more at the unfamiliar term the Doctor had used, but he didn't ask.  "Year?"
          "...Well...  I dunno."  The Doctor turned to Rose questioningly.  "How old do you think I look?"  He was terrible at judging human ages.
          Rose shrugged.  "Probably early 30s?"
          The Doctor's brow arched, and he copied her shrug before turning back to Jake.  "I guess just put me down as 30.  Nice round number."
          Jake nodded, writing down the information.  After several more questions, he was through, and gave a brisk nod.  "We should get this down to the proper department, ASAP.  While we're down there, we can check the schedule and get you signed up."  He headed out, leading the way to the lift while Rose hung back to take the Doctor's hand once more as they followed.
          Reaching the proper floor, Jake handed off the notepad to another member of the team before giving a nod to Rose, who was more familiar with the department.
          She nodded back, taking the lead as she headed to her office, continuing to lead the Doctor along by his hand.  Jake trailed just behind.
          Reaching her office, Rose let go of the Doctor's hand and rounded the desk, fumbling around for a moment at the paperwork that was scattered about - she really needed to clean up in here - before locating the schedule.  "Mmm... what about next Monday - the 14th?" she asked, looking up at the Doctor.  "That should give you plenty of time to settle in before starting work."
          The Doctor thought for a moment before nodding.  "Yeah... that should be alright," he agreed.  The 14th was almost a week away - he wondered if he would be able to keep from going crazy from boredom before then - but Rose was right.  It was probably better to give himself a chance to get used to his still-very-new situation before others needed to depend on him.
          After taking care of a few more little things, the Doctor and Rose headed out.  "Wanna head to lunch?  It's just past one now - I'm sure you must be getting hungry," Rose asked as they climbed in the car.
          The Doctor nodded, glancing downward sheepishly as his stomach rumbled.  "I've been hungry for a while now, actually - just didn’t want to be a bother," he mumbled, embarrassed by his neediness.
          Rose just laughed, patting him on the arm.  "There's a little curry place downtown that I like to go to every once in a while.  Does that sound alright?"
          The Doctor's face brightened as he looked up to her.  "That sounds brilliant," he agreed happily.
          Rose grinned.  "Alright then!  Let's go!"  And with that, she headed them off toward downtown.
          Luckily, upon reaching the little restaurant, she found parking remarkably easily, and after pulling in and turning off the engine she led the Doctor into the shop.  The pair of them sat down at an empty table, their chairs set opposite from each other.
          Both were silent for a short time.  Rose wasn't quite sure how to start a conversation; she knew what she wanted to say, but... should she really?  How would the Doctor react?  He appeared just as uncertain as she felt, staring uncomfortably down at the table.  After a few moments, Rose decided against it, instead putting on a smile, for the time being avoiding what she didn't know how to say.
          "So, I... guess once you get your ID you'll need to go get a driver's license, eh?  I hope you remember how to drive..."  She stifled a giggle, remembering the Doctor telling her tales about his prized yellow car, Bessie, which his third incarnation had used for transport when he'd lost the TARDIS.
          "'Course I remember how to drive!" the Doctor exclaimed in surprise, looking up at her fully at last.  "I'm used to piloting a TARDIS - an Earth vehicle is child's play by comparison!"
          Rose giggled at his vehemence.  "Well, I sure hope so, because you're gonna have to take an exam," she told him with a singsong voice and a grin.
          He gave her a bit of a glare in return, looking more Donna than Doctor for a moment.  "It'll be fine.  I'll pass with flying colors, I'm sure," he asserted, staring at her for a moment longer before turning away a bit tartly.  Rose just shook her head in helpless amusement.
          The waiter approached then, and each gave their orders, which the young man jotted down on a notepad.  After he left, both of them were quiet for a while longer, casting occasional glances at each other before looking away again.  Both still felt a bit awkward and ill-at-ease, and unsure what to think about their situation, and neither knew how to put into words what they each wanted to say.  However, after a minute or so of continuing to waffle over her words, Rose finally spoke up once again, tentatively broaching the subject.
          "So...  It"s, ah, really nice to see you again," she began quietly, staring nervously at the table in front of her for a few moments before looking up at the Doctor with guileless eyes.  "I know things are a bit different and all - what with us being here on Earth and not on the TARDIS... and... y'know... you... and everything..."  She noticed the Doctor flinch ever-so-slightly at this, and grew even more nervous, glancing away again, her speech becoming somewhat frantic.  "I mean, not that that's a bad thing - that's not what I meant at all - it's all just a bit strange and sudden, and I'm sure it’s just as confusing to you as it is to me, if not more so..."  She trailed off with a sigh, momentarily covering her face with her hands before letting them slide down again and looking at the Doctor once more, her eyes apologetic.  "What I'm trying to say is... I missed you so much, and I'm really glad you're here."  Her voice was soft, truthful.
          The Doctor gave her a slightly wobbly smile at this - Rose could tell he was doing his best to put on a brave face.  "It's... good to be here," he replied, though she thought she detected a hint of uncertainty in his tone - unsurprising, considering the fact that he'd always considered the idea of himself becoming "domestic" to be ridiculous and, in his own words, "terrifying".  His next words, however, were clearly honest, and full of deep feeling.  "It's good to be with you.  ...And... I missed you, too."  He hesitated for a few seconds, looking down to her hands, resting on the table in front of her, before slowly reaching forward, gently placing his over the top of them.
          Rose smiled a bit shyly herself at the contact, but after a moment wriggled her hands underneath his so that they were face up, clasping his fingers with her own.  They stared into each other's eyes for a few long seconds, silently speaking what neither could find the words to say aloud.  Truthfully, there were no words to accurately describe how each of them had felt during the other's absence.
          The waiter came along just then with their food, shattering the moment.  "Here you are," he said in a cheerful tone, apparently oblivious to what he'd just interrupted.
          Clearing her throat quietly, her face flushed, Rose gingerly pulled her hands away, instead lifting her fork and picking at her curry for a few moments - she found she was now not as hungry as she had been - before finally taking a bite.  The Doctor busied himself with his own meal, lifting his fork to his mouth with a brief, shy glance up at her from under his brows, glad of the excuse of a full mouth to avoid speaking.
          There was another brief period of silence as the pair focused on their meals before the Doctor finally spoke up, a bit more confident now that the ice had been broken.  He began telling her bits and pieces of what had gone on since their travels together, catching her up a bit, and she did the same, though both avoided mentions of their separation and the pain it had caused them - it all still felt too fresh.  Slowly, it seemed, they were beginning to pick up where they'd left off two years before, each feeling a bit more at ease around the other, though there was still some slight awkwardness, mostly due to the feelings each now knew the other had for them.

          After finishing lunch and talking for a little while longer, the Doctor headed back out with Rose to help her with a few errands before they went back home.  They were just finishing up with the last errand when Jackie called Rose's mobile, asking her to bring home Italian for dinner.  Rose looked to the Doctor, who nodded agreeably, and Rose drove them down to their usual Italian restaurant.
          After ordering and picking up the food, they finally headed home.  It was a little after 5:30 by that point, and everyone was quite ready for dinner, including young Tony, who loudly demanded his share of puree, little hands flailing.  The Doctor smiled a little at the toddler as the 18-month-old started eating, then looked away, busying himself with his own plate; Rose, who was watching, thought she noticed something flicker to his eyes, but she couldn't identify it.
          After dinner was finished and the dishes were cleaned up, Rose looked over to the Doctor once more.  She hesitated briefly before asking, "So, um…  You wanna watch telly for a little bit or somefin'?"
          The Doctor looked up at her with vague surprise, blinking, but, after a moment, he nodded.  "Yeah…  Yeah, sure."  He seemed a little distracted, though in a slightly different way than he had been the last few days, but Rose couldn't say why.  She held out her hand in offering, and, after a moment, he took it.  Then, she led him toward the den, letting go of his hand once there and plopping down on the sofa, grabbing the remote and turning on the telly.
          The Doctor sat himself gingerly down on the sofa next to Rose, looking to her briefly before turning his attention to the television with a dubious expression.  How long would that manage to hold his attention? he wondered.  Probably not very.  He was still on-edge just from being in this universe, and still stressed about his situation, even though a few of his more pressing concerns had been alleviated by Rose earlier that day.  But he settled in, anyway - if it meant spending time with her, he thought, he'd do just about anything.
          Unsurprisingly, the program didn't distract him for as long as he'd dared to hope, but, quite to his amazement, something else did happen.  Instead of becoming antsy, as he'd expected, he began to grow quite drowsy, sitting there next to Rose.  His eyelids began to droop, his racing mind quieting to a soft murmur.  Of course, having not slept hardly at all the past three nights, and now being part human, with, he assumed from the evidence so far, a much more human metabolism, he was exhausted, but he hadn't expected sleep to come without a much bigger fight.  Eventually, after a few more minutes, his eyes closed themselves completely, and he slipped into blissful unconsciousness, his tense body relaxing as he slumped slightly to his right.
          After about 20 minutes of watching the telly with a sort of half-interest, Rose felt something brush against her left side.  Surprised, she quickly turned to look, a little shocked to realize that the Doctor had apparently fallen asleep, and was now resting gently up against her, his head lying on her shoulder, his eyes closed and his features relaxed.  The thought of the Doctor sleeping or being tired was sort of incongruous to her - he'd always seemed so alert and lively, and she didn't remember a morning in the TARDIS when he hadn't already been awake and in the kitchen before her (and usually already dressed, as well), but she supposed the need to sleep less often and in shorter durations was a curiosity of his Time Lord self.  Now that he was part human, it would seem he needed just as much sleep as a human would.
          ...He looked so... peaceful... so serene... like all the things that she knew had been troubling his mind the past few days - that she'd been able to see clearly in his eyes, despite his efforts to hide it - had simply melted away.  She smiled warmly at him, heartened by the thought that he would finally be able to get the rest she knew he so desperately needed.  Tentatively, she raised one hand, reaching over to rest it across his, lying limp on his lap.  The Doctor didn't stir at her touch, but Rose swore she saw the barest of smiles cross his face.
          She sat there for a half-hour or so longer with the telly on, the Doctor sleeping quietly against her, though she didn't pay much attention to the program that was playing.  Eventually, she turned it off, cloaking the room in darkness, but she stayed where she was, not wanting to disturb the Doctor when he was sleeping at last.  She looked over to him, just able to make out his face in the light from the moon that filtered into the room around the window shades, and smiled slightly once again, before shifting just a bit to get more comfortable, settling in for the night.

-----

          Shockingly, the Doctor managed to sleep through the night without any disturbances, and awoke at around eight o'clock the next morning, lifting his head blearily and finding himself leaning against Rose.  Embarrassment flooded through him at the realization that he'd fallen asleep in such a position.  He quickly sat up straight, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.
          His movement caused Rose to stir, as well, and she raised her head, blinking sleepily a few times before turning to him and giving him a slightly shy smile.  "Slept through the night, I see," she noted, stifling a yawn.  "Feeling any better?"
          "Yeah," the Doctor mumbled, running his hand backward through his slightly mussed hair, effectively, if inadvertently, mussing it further, and glancing at her from the edge of his vision, his head lowered sheepishly.  "I... um...  Sorry... about that," he apologized softly, blushing a bit.  "I, ah, didn't mean to pin you here all night..."
          Rose just laughed.  "Oh, 's no problem," she reassured him, her smile broadening.  "I'm just glad you finally got some rest."
          The Doctor did have to admit - he was feeling quite a bit better.  Not only was he much less tired, but the troubles that had crowded his thoughts for the past four days seemed further away, as well.  He gave her a slightly embarrassed but genuine smile.  "Thanks, Rose," he told her softly.
          "For what?" Rose asked, amusement in her voice.  She was relieved to see that his eyes looked a good deal brighter than she'd seen them since they'd arrived back in this universe.
          "For being my pillow," the Doctor returned with an equal amount of amusement, shifting forward and getting to his feet before offering her a hand up, a warm look in his eyes.
          The two headed toward the kitchen, where Pete was already up and starting on breakfast.  Jackie sat at the table in a pink nightgown and fluffy slippers, nursing a cup of coffee.  Just as the Doctor had expected, Pete seemed to be the cook of the house.  Rose offered to give him a hand, and, after a moment, the Doctor volunteered, as well, cracking eggs onto the heated skillet.
          Breakfast went off without a hitch, Pete leaving for work afterward and Jackie heading upstairs to change into some clothes and dress Tony for the day.  Rose remained at the table even after she was finished eating, and the Doctor, slightly puzzled, stayed with her.
          She was silent for a time before turning to the Doctor, sadness in her eyes.  "Do you think...  Do you think he'll be alright?" she asked him softly.
          The Doctor knew who she was talking about.  He clenched his jaw, looking away uncomfortably.  "He'll always be alright," he replied quietly.  That was a lie.  He couldn't deny that he'd gone through a lot of loss... and the other him would be going through even more.  Not only had he been forced to give up Rose again, after she had finally found her way back to him once more, but he would have lost Donna by now, as well.  He was alone, with two broken hearts.  And, this Doctor thought, he likely would never take another companion, at least until after he regenerated.  He truly wasn't sure how he would handle the double-loss, if he would suffer in silence or if it would drive him mad.  His own heart welled with pain for the other him; despite having been lucky enough to be the one who got to be with Rose, he felt Donna's loss keenly, as well, even if he hadn't had to witness it.  Even if she were still alive, she would never be able to remember anything about him - any of their adventures together, any of the brilliant things she'd done.  That was perhaps the most painful part of all.  If the memory block that the other Doctor likely had been forced to impose on her worked, she would be well, and she could go on living her life... but a very special part of her would be missing.  And he would never be able to see her again.
          Both he and Rose were silent for a little while, staring down at the table, before the Doctor spoke again.  "He didn't leave you here because he didn't want you, you know," he said quietly.  After another moment, he turned to her, his expression serious but guileless.  “He - I - we both wanted you to be happy.  And he knew that, if you stayed with him... well.  Neither of you could be happy forever."  He looked away again, sadness welling in his eyes.  "He would have had to watch you age, wither away... and you would have had to watch him stay exactly the same.  ...And eventually... he would have to... let you go.  Leaving you here broke his hearts... but he knew it was for the best - for him, as well as for you and me.  Because... because we have a chance to be together."  He looked back to her, head lowered slightly in something that almost seemed to be shyness, though there was a spark of hope in his eyes.
          Rose nodded, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat.  "Yeah... I know," she responded softly, though she didn't meet his eye.
          The Doctor frowned and turned away, disheartened and perhaps a bit self-conscious - he wasn't used to this sort of thing - but a few moments later he turned back toward her.  "...I chose to stay with you," he admitted, and Rose finally looked to him with a bit of surprise.  "It wasn't just him.  I am him, after all... just with a human lifespan and without the ability to regenerate... and we both knew that this was the only place I wanted to be.  ...With you."
          Rose's face finally split in a smile at that, and she reached forward, taking his hands.  "I want you here, too," she told him with a bit of emotion in her voice.  "I'm really glad you stayed."
          The Doctor smiled back.  "You're going to have to teach me how to be a human, you know," he said with a hint of humor in his voice.  "I don't exactly have any experience."
          Rose laughed a bit.  "Yeah, we don't want you building a spaceship in the front yard, or anything.  I don't think that would go over well with my parents... not to mention any visitors!"
          "Yeeeaaah," he mumbled amusedly as he reached up to rub his left ear, making Rose want to laugh again - she'd missed all his little idiosyncrasies so much over the past two years.  "That... probably wouldn't be the best idea."
          Rose smiled, glancing down at her empty plate.  She was quiet for a few moments before turning to him again with a slight, thoughtful frown.  "Just out of curiosity, how do you know you can't regenerate anymore?" she asked him.  "Does a Time Lord need two hearts to be able to regenerate?"
        "I just sort of... know," the Doctor replied, squinting slightly as he thought about it.  "Time Lords are quite in-tune with their own bodies and state of health.  It's... sort of an instinct.  I can feel that I don't have any regeneration energy left."  He paused.  "As for the hearts... no, not necessarily.  Regeneration can happen if only one heart is functioning, like when I - well, the other me - changed after being shot by that Dalek."  He saw Rose wince at that, and frowned slightly.  "It’s just... a bit more difficult.  ...Perhaps that's why I only have one.  The other Doctor supplied my hand with regeneration energy, but his right heart was damaged, so somehow that gene sequence wasn't filled properly."  He frowned further at that, subconsciously reaching up with a hand and placing it over the now-empty center of his chest.  It still felt very odd to him.
          Rose gave him a sympathetic smile, resting a hand reassuringly on his arm.  "What about the aging bit?" she asked him, her voice a bit softer, trying to distract him from his discomfort.  "You said you would age at the same time as me..."  While part of her felt bad for him, having to deal with these monumental changes, the other part sincerely hoped he was right - maybe, just maybe, it would give them a chance to be together, as he'd said before, as well as on the beach.
          The Doctor was roused a bit from his thoughts at these new questions, and looked over at her again.  "Well... it's kinda the same deal," he started.  "I could just sort of feel it from the start, but now, after getting more used to this body over the past few days, it's obvious that my metabolism has changed.  I need to eat a lot more than I used to - though I think that's calmed down a little, happily - and it seems like I need more sleep, as well.  Seems like my temperature's a little higher, too - closer to what would be the low end of normal for a human.  I'll probably be more sensitive to temperature changes now, too, considering I no longer have a binary vascular system..."  He frowned again, thinking about all this.  The idea of aging at such a rapid rate, of dying... it scared him more than he would admit.  Still, he tried to shove down those fears.  This all gave him a real chance to be with Rose in a way he'd always longed for.  They would age together.
          Rose nodded in understanding, still smiling sympathetically.  "Well… whatever happens, it'll be alright," she reassured.  "We have each other now, and we can get through it.  Together."
          The Doctor looked up at her with a bit of surprise at her words, though after a moment, his eyes softened, and he gave her a small smile.  "Yeah… I hope you're right," he murmured softly, resting his hand on hers.

          It had been five days since the Doctor's first proper day in the Tyler mansion - July 13th, a Sunday - and by this point, he was growing increasingly bored and restless.  He'd been able to sleep slightly better than he had the first night he'd spent here, but that was still only a couple - maybe three, if he was lucky - hours a night.  That hardly mattered, though, since his brain was in such an overdrive that the drowsiness he was also feeling seemed minuscule in comparison.  He was aware, however, that exhaustion seemed to make his stress worse, but he didn't know what to do about that.  He wanted to be out exploring other worlds, not trapped in this boring house in a parallel London on a parallel Earth.  He wanted the TARDIS, and he wanted freedom.
          At present, he was pacing back and forth through the sitting room, a blank, glazed look in his eyes.  By this point, the movement had become almost reflexive - he wasn't even thinking about what he was doing.  Reaching the end of his path, he turned again, pacing the other way, repeating the loop, over and over again.
          Rose, sitting on the sofa, watched him helplessly.  She'd tried everything she could think of to keep him busy - taken him out for walks, dragged him along with her on errands, played games and puzzles with him - but nothing seemed to distract him for more than a few minutes before he grew restless once more.
          She sighed, reaching up to rub her temples.  He was beginning to wear her out - it was like he was on a perpetual caffeine high, though he never consumed the stuff.  She couldn't imagine where he could possibly be getting so much energy.
          "Doctor..." she tried after a few more minutes of watching him wear his track in the floor.
          "Mm," the Doctor grunted in distracted monotone, not turning to look at her, not faltering in his stride, not even blinking.
          "...I think you need a hobby," Rose suggested, attempting to put a positive note in her voice.  "Something to keep your mind busy."
          "Like what?" the Doctor asked, though he still seemed distracted as he continued to pace.
          "I dunno, maybe... reading or painting or something... or woodworking...  Or you could learn a new instrument...  Maybe even some sort of sport, something more athletic?"
          The Doctor finally looked over at her at this, his eyes flashing, though he still didn't stop moving.  "Do you think I haven't tried to keep myself busy?" he snapped in a Donna-esque tone, his annoyance immediately followed by a prickle of guilt.  When he continued, his voice had softened slightly  "I've done everything I can think of, and nothing seems to help.  Books won't hold my attention when my mind is so busy.  I've never been much of an artist, and I know the basics of pretty much any instrument you could find on this planet.  As for something more athletic... I don't think I could concentrate on any sort of ball or ring or whatnot for long enough to achieve... whatever it is you do in sports."  He really didn't understand the concept of sports to begin with.
          A spark of amusement lit in Rose's eyes at his seeming obliviousness.  "So much for being a 'normal bloke'," she muttered, half to herself, making the Doctor stare.  "Well... I suppose you could take on some chores around here," she suggested after a moment.  "I know the lawn needs to be mowed - Dad was complaining about it the other day.  He hates doing it, and the gardener's been out sick for a week now."
          The Doctor finally paused, standing in front of her, though he continued to shift from foot to foot.  "I guess it's worth a shot," he agreed, though he looked dubious.
          Rose smiled and got to her feet, glad she finally had his attention - or at least part of it.  "A'right, come on, then.  I'll show you what to do."  She took hold of his elbow, leading him outside and to the back shed.
          After she;d showed him where the lawnmower was and explained a bit about how to run it, to which the Doctor had scoffed and informed her that he thought he could figure out how to work something as simple as an Earth mower, Rose had gone back inside the house, shaking her head with a weary sigh.  The Doctor then got to work.  After a few minutes, however, his mind began to drift away from his task.  It just simply wasn't enough to challenge him.  He was used to solving complex problems and having to think on a dime, not... pushing a lawnmower in front of him and walking back and forth through a yard.
          A little while later, the grass was sufficiently mowed, and, after an obligatory check to make sure he hadn't missed any spots, he put the little machine back in the shed, leaning back against the door with a sigh and staring out at the vast yard.  What else could he do...?  What else...  Perhaps a good run would wear him out enough to quiet his roiling thoughts a bit...
          As a last-ditch effort, he trudged to the edge of the yard and began jogging around the perimeter, gradually gaining speed until he was practically racing across the turf.  It felt nice to run, to feel the wind in his face and his feet skimming across the ground - it always did.  He loved running.  But it didn't exactly provide the excitement that he longed for.
          After three laps around the edge of the quite large property, the Doctor was feeling quite physically worn out, his single heart eventually unable to pump enough blood around his body to keep his limbs properly oxygenated, even if his lungs still seemed to be quite strong... but his mind was still racing.  With a miserable groan, he slogged back inside the house, back into the sitting room, and plopped down in one of the chairs, panting.
          Rose looked up from the book she was reading as he came back into the room.  "Feeling any better?" she asked him.
          "Nooo..." he moaned despondently, seeming to sink further into the chair, looking and sounding reminiscent of a small child.  "I'm sooo booored..."
          Rose sighed again, rubbing the back of her neck.  "Well... I’m sorry... but I'm not sure what else to have you do...  I don't know how you can be bored when you're obviously exhausted..."
          The Doctor scowled, pondering her words for a moment, trying to think of a way to describe how he was feeling in a manner she could understand.  "I feel like... like a hamster, running in a wheel," he finally said, his eyes pools of unhappiness.  "I'm doing something, I'm moving... but I'm not doing anything.  My brain isn't being challenged.  Nothing I do seems worthwhile.  I'm not doing anything that matters."
          "Well, my dad will certainly be happy that the lawn's mowed," Rose pointed out, though the Doctor didn't seem at all cheered by this fact.  She frowned.  "Tomorrow's your first day at work...  Maybe you'll feel more useful and challenged there."
          "Maybe..." the Doctor murmured, a tiny spark of hope lighting in his eyes.  It would certainly be more sciencey... a bit more like what he was used to doing.  Maybe that would be enough...
          "I've got something for you to do - the both of you," Jackie's voice suddenly sounded from the hallway.  A moment later, she appeared in the doorway, hands on her hips, apparently having overheard the last bit of their conversation.  "The pantry's running on empty, and I'd appreciate it if you could run out and grab some groceries."
          "Sure, Mum," Rose agreed, closing her book and setting it aside before glancing to the Doctor.  "You wanna ride along?"
          "Yeah," the Doctor agreed, sitting up straighter and getting to his feet once again  Rose thought he seemed a little distracted again, but not nearly as much as before.
          The pair headed out and drove toward downtown London, stopping at the family's usual grocer's shop.  They headed up to the building, Rose fetching a shopping trolley on the way in.  The Doctor's nose twitched at all the various mingling scents - fruits, vegetables, and herbs were perhaps the strongest, along with those of breads and other baked goods.
          They strode down the various aisles, Rose pushing the trolley first and the Doctor meandering about, sniffing the various ingredients, practically sticking his nose into the bananas in search of the best bunch.  Rose had to resist laughing, hoping nobody else saw his odd behavior.
          They were nearing the end of their shopping when a woman with two young children came down the aisle toward them.  One of the children spotted a product she wanted and pointed to it excitedly, and the mother gave an indulgent smile, putting the item into the basket of the trolley, resulting in cheers from both children.
          The Doctor gazed at the children with a small smile and a look of gentle fondness which mingled with a growing expression of deep melancholy that showed most prominently in his eyes.  Rose, picking out something from the opposite shelf, had followed his gaze, and turned after a moment to glance up at him with a slight frown, noticing the look of sadness, along with something else...  What was it?  ...Longing?
          A moment later, he turned away, forcing the expression from his face, and started to move off with the trolley, leaving Rose to follow and wonder if she’d seen it properly, after all.  She remembered him having mentioned, very briefly on one of their adventures, the fact that he had been a father once, but he had seemed to directly avoid any further explanation, and had never brought it up again.  She, of course, knew about the loss of his home planet and his people, and realized with a sharp pang of sympathy that this, of course, meant that any children he'd had would have perished in the destruction, as well.  This undoubtedly explained his reluctance to talk about his family, as well as the sadness she'd seen in his eyes, but what about the longing - if that was even what it had been?  Certainly he missed his lost family, but... did he want to start another?  ...Did he want to have children again?
          The thought of him having been a father before was a little odd, somehow - Rose remembered how shocked she had felt when he had first admitted it, all those years ago.  She wasn't exactly sure why; maybe it was just because he seemed so physically young, though she knew he was much, much older in reality.  But still, at the same time, every time she'd seen him interact with a child, he'd seemed so perfectly at ease, if, perhaps, a little somber afterward.  It appeared to come completely naturally to him and, thinking about it now with a little smile, Rose rather thought he would make a wonderful family man, if he could only find a way to calm his rampant energy.  She had never been extremely fond of children herself, but still she had always imagined she would have kids someday.  ...Maybe, just maybe, they could have children together.  A sudden flicker of longing lit in her own heart, and she quickly shoved the thought away, blushing ever-so-slightly.  They weren't even properly in a relationship yet, and certainly never had been before, though she'd long known that, deep inside, her feelings for him were more than just platonic, and, given his long-awaited admission at Bad Wolf Bay, she thought he must've felt the same.  Still, he had yet to make any sort of advancement toward her - after a rough first couple of days, they'd settled back into something similar to what their friendship had been before, though somehow not quite the same.  Rose thought it was likely because he was too distracted with the weight of his very new situation, and trying to learn to adapt to it, but she couldn't help the slight, nagging doubt that maybe she'd misunderstood somehow, or perhaps he'd changed his mind.  And, as much as she tried to shove it away, that concern still lingered, unbidden, like an annoying insect buzzing around her ear.
          The Doctor was not thinking about having children again - he would not even allow himself to consider the possibility.  Of course, when he said he didn't "do domestics", that wasn't completely the truth - what he really meant was, he didn't do domestics anymore.  He'd lived that sort of a life on Gallifrey during his early years, but back then he'd been young and foolish, and had left to pursue his dreams of traveling... and, perhaps, he'd been fleeing something, as well - whether that was his sedentary life, or the condescending nature of his people - their apathy in general or their ostracism of him in particular - or something else entirely, he wouldn't quite admit even to himself.  He would never regret all the things he'd seen, all the magnificent, wonderful, spectacular things... but perhaps he did regret not fully appreciating the life he'd led with his family before he'd left.
          After the loss of that family, when, in order to end the Time War, he'd been forced to destroy any remnants of his old life on Gallifrey that had remained from before he'd started traveling, along with his planet and his people, he'd had to come to terms with the fact that he would never have a family again, and generally avoided anything that reminded him of the life he'd once lived with them.
Jenny had thrown a bit of a spanner in that conviction, and she'd gotten the brunt of his bitterness because of it.  He'd begun to warm up to her after a while, but in the end, it had only served to hurt him even more when she, too, had been killed.- After that, he'd distanced himself even more from the idea that anything could ever possibly fill those holes in his hearts.- But now...  He'd thought he would never return to a domestic lifestyle, and, though part of him had still missed and longed for family life, perhaps even more so once he'd lost it all for good, he'd done his very best to wall off those feelings once Gallifrey was destroyed.  Now, he was being forced to face that part of his remaining heart once more.  And... he was terrified.  Not only because of the very different situation he was in - life on Earth was quite unlike life on Gallifrey, of course - but because he was having to face the very thing he'd tried so hard to bury in the furthest recesses of his hearts and mind - and, most importantly, all the guilt and regret and feelings of loss that came with it.
          No, it wasn't just the newness of this human lifestyle or the lack of anything "meaningful" to do or even the fact that nothing in this universe "felt" right that was tearing him up inside, the Doctor admitted to himself as he pushed the trolley in front of him, turning down an aisle devoid of other people.  He was afraid of what another domestic life meant, afraid of being reminded of what he'd had and lost before.  He would never admit any of this to Rose, however.  It would just worry her even more, and that wasn't what he wanted.  It was best that she thought it was simply an overabundance of energy and being overwhelmed by his sudden change of ways that was causing his stress.  ...Then again, on some level, perhaps she already knew - he could feel her eyes on him, though he didn't dare turn to look.  He didn't want her to see the remorse in his eyes.
          In a sense, he was already part of a family again - the Tylers had taken him in, and he'd even taken their name - Rose's name - in an effort to seal the promise he'd made to her.  He wanted to be part of her family, and part of her life - more than anything else.  He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, as he'd pledged on the beach.  But facing that life was tearing him up inside, and the thought of wading any deeper into it all terrified him more than he would acknowledge even to himself.  He'd never expected it to be this difficult.  Perhaps he'd refused to even consider how hard it would truly be.
          Suddenly, he felt Rose's hand touch his shoulder, and he stiffened, halting mid-stride, though he didn't turn around.  "...You miss your family... don't you?" he heard her voice ask softly.  The Doctor stiffened further, clenching his jaw, his heartbeat quickening as a spark of fear lit in his eyes.
          "It's okay," Rose reassured him, her voice gentle and soothing.  "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
          However hard he was trying to conceal his feelings, she seemed to be able to see right through him, reading him like an open book.  Perhaps he wasn't as good at masking his emotions as he thought he was.  "...Yeah..." the Doctor managed to choke out after a few seconds, turning his face just slightly toward her, though he didn't meet her eyes.  "...Yeah, I do miss them..."
          With another sharp pang of sympathy for him, hearing the misery and fear in his voice and seeing the dull pain written clearly across his face, Rose stepped around in front of him and hugged him tight, burying her face in his chest - she could hear his single heart pounding away, feel his quickened breath as he drew his shaky arms around her shoulders.  "I know you're scared of something, and I think maybe it's more than what you're letting on," she murmured, tightening her arms around him just a little more.  "Whatever it is... it'll all work out in the end, okay?  I know it will..."
          The Doctor burrowed his face into her hair, taking a deep breath and trying to allow her scent to calm him.  "Yeah...  I know..." he murmured again after a few more moments, his voice a bit more steady, though it still wobbled noticeably.  Was that the truth?  Would he ever get used to any of this, or was he doomed to suffer for the rest of his life?  He wasn't sure.  But he tried to tell himself that he would feel better eventually.  It'll all work out in the end... Rose's voice repeated in his mind.
          ...Still, he couldn't bring himself to confess to her how he was feeling - walling himself off was a defense mechanism he'd developed over the centuries, to protect himself more than anything else, and it was a hard habit to break.  He couldn't admit to her that everywhere he turned, everything he saw now reminded him of them.  He had nothing else to distract himself from it now.  He was just relieved she didn't expect him to tell her.  Maybe someday... but not now.
          Taking a deep breath and mentally kicking himself out of his gloomy thoughts, the Doctor let his arms fall from around Rose's shoulders and took a step back, extricating himself - if gently - from her embrace.  "Right!" he said in an overtly determined and cheerful tone, straightening and forcing his expression to brighten.  "Let's get this shopping done, shall we?"  He turned back to the trolley, wheeling it off down the aisle once more.
          Rose sighed, watching him walk off for a moment before following, frowning.  He was doing the same thing he'd always done before when he'd been sad - walling off all his emotions from her and concealing his misery behind a veil of jolliness.  She'd hoped he would perhaps open up to her more this time - there was no need for him to hide away his feelings now, after all - but, after a few moments of transparency, he'd reverted back to old habits, effectively blocking her out.  She supposed it was understandable - she didn't expect him to completely change his hard-set ways overnight, and perhaps it was unfair of her to wish any differently - but it was still a disappointing reaction, and served to make her even more uncertain about where they stood than she had been before.